men’s rights

signs of domestic abuse

Today’s post is a little different: Signs of Domestic Abuse.

I found this great table on the helpline.org website.

What are the signs of domestic violence? I remember a couple of years ago one of my co-workers was telling me that her son was being abused by his wife. One example she gave was when he was getting something from his car trunk and his partner purposely closed it on him, which hit him hard on the head. Is this too small a sign? I was quite shocked by the story, and although my co-worker knew her son’s condition, all she did was hate his wife. What if her son was a woman? Would she convince her to leave her abusive partner?

No violence should be tolerated, and no sign is too small. Domestic abuse IS NOT ONLY about physical violence but also about moral maltreatment. Many people diminished by their partner and unhappy stay because they don’t know they’re being abused. Look out for them, and help them.

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Where to turn to?

So in many of my posts I write that men should have more platforms to express themselves, seek help and get out of their struggles. Now I wouldn’t and probably shouldn’t expect victims of domestic abuse to want to write a little comment here on how they feel. So let me combine a few centres, hotlines or help groups where victims can actually turn to and get the help they need.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline in Austin, Texas, just wrote an article about men as victims, and linked to these addresses:

Other outlets men victims can use include:

The Mayo Clinic based in Rochester, Minnesota, has a great domestic violence against men section.

The detailed and targeted 1 in 6 foundation in California has a support line and many information on the matter.

In California, the Help4Guys foundation encourages donations to help men victims of abuse.

The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women works with the USA and Canada and can be reached on 1-888-743-5754.

In Canada, the Family of Men Support Society raises funds to help put male victims back on their feet.

The Men’s Advice Line in the UK offers services by email or telephone at 0808 8010327.

Again in the UK, the ManKindInitiative has a national helpline on 01823 334244.

The Dyn Project acts in Wales as a help for men domestic of abuse, and answer to 0808 801 0321.

In Australia, the Men’s Rights Agency is a non-for-profit organisation that works towards helping men.

MensLine Australia offers support to victims all around Australia and can be reached on 1300789978.

The One In Three campaign in NSW, which I have mentioned previously, has a great list of services and resources that I recommend checking it out.

If you know any other organisations or services, please let me know about them. If you have had any experiences that you would like to share, do consider this blog as another platform where you would be listened.

What is your opinion?

My opinion is pretty clear. I believe that, like women victims, men victims of domestic abuse should be cared for, listened to and taken seriously.

In addition, I feel like the society we are in today leaves little room for men to express their feelings. What problem does this lead to? They cannot reach for help.

Something is so far missing from this blog, and I have taken too long to address it: households were both partners are victims of each other’s abuse. If a man is victim from his partner’s physical, mental or emotional maltreatment and cannot seek help, there is a greater potential for him eventually fighting back. The result of this situation is a violent vicious circle where both members are perpetrators and victims. Allowing men to take out built up feelings can in that way prevent a violent relationship.

This latest addition, as well as other arguments explained in previous blog posts, rounds up all the reasons I believe men victims should be listened to.

Now, it is your turn: What do you think? Why do you believe men should be looked after when being abused by their partner? Do you agree or disagree with my reasons?

a view from down under: domestic violence in Melbourne

Great article posted a couple of days ago on the Herald Sun, a Melbourne publication in Australia. It is one of the first Australian articles I came across and it was very interesting.

If you don’t have to time to fully check it out, here are, in my opinion, two of the most important parts:

“One in seven men said they had been emotionally abused by a partner, as compared to one in four women.”

&

“Lone Fathers Association of Australia president Barry Williams told Leader that the overwhelming focus on men solely as perpetrators had led to a general suspicion and lack of sympathy for male victims.”

First of all: one in seven men. Not only is it a big number but it is no reflection of the actual number of men who reportedly are victims of domestic abuse. Many believe that men victims of domestic abuse should not be a priority in social issues due to the low amount of victims. What this article points out, which I agree with, is that the statistics of male victims is not a true reflection of the number of actual victims. Which leads to…

my second point: men are not encouraged enough to seek help when they are abused. And for multiple reasons: stereotypes that men are strong and should “take it like a man”, that women can’t hurt them that bad, that men shouldn’t complain and be emotional because it will make them “girly”, or that people would think that they indeed must be the perpetrator or have been violent first. All these stereotypes have to stop.

The article also points out the lack of sympathy for male victims. Men victims of abuse should not be put in the unjustified “men category -which contains a lot of perpetrators (enemies)”, but in the “men victims of abuse -which contains victims, seeking help”.

How do you feel about the debate? Isn’t it time to change?

article on mintpress news: “Woman as Agressor: the unspoken truth of domestic violence” by Edward rhymes

This article was enlightening. The author kept a great balance between agreeing that more women are victims of domestic violence, but if we want to truly end the debate of domestic abuse, we have to admit that they can also at times be the perpetrators.

Edward Rhymes started his article by reminding the number of women victims not only of domestic violence but also rape and other forms of abuse. He then expressed that, that being said, there also are men victims of women’s abuse.

A very important point he made was when he quoted Jan Brown, executive director and founder of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men, who expressed that “domestic violence is not about size, gender, or strength. It’s about abuse, control, and power, and getting out of dangerous situations and getting help, whether you are a woman being abused, or a man.” Domestic violence os not only about leaving scars on one’s body, but also affecting them mentally and emotionally.

He also pointed out that few men did speack up about their issues, and that sadly not many were heard. He said that “some researchers estimate that about 20 percent of men who call law enforcement to report an abusive spouse or partner, are, in turn, arrested for domestic abuse”.

He also writes late in the article: “this writer agrees: We need to talk to our boys and men about having respect for their partners in their relationships. Yet, that’s only part of the problem. Our girls and young ladies need to be taught what appropriate behavior is and what non-violent conflict resolution looks like,” which resumes the article beautifully.

Men not only as abusers, but also as victims.

a view on women offenders

I came across a very useful website: http://www.avoiceformen.com/

A great article I found was ‘The Cycle of the Female Abuser’ by Kimberley Taylor.

She explains that most women offenders feel remorseless after being physically or emotionally abusive to their partner.

Perhaps it is because society is less condemning and more dismissive of a woman who is abusive, resulting in less societal awareness and consequently more room for personal denial. It is also possible that the male is even less aware that they are being abused and may even take more responsibility due to the same lack of societal awareness. In short, the dynamic in the relationship may allow for this denial.

In a recent recent study noted (Gelles 2006), about fifty percent of men and women thought it was okay for a woman to hit a man. With these global attitudes, it is no wonder some women feel justified in slapping their partners. Some even said they knew they could not do too much damage because of their size; they therefore minimised their actions and denied it was abuse at all.

Is society giving women excuses for being violent?

On the same website was a video of Kelly Brook saying that she had punched in the face two of her ex-partners, after which she explained that they wouldn’t have felt much since they were much bigger than her.

Does this make it ‘okay’ to be violent to a man? Shouldn’t any form of violence be treated equally?

Kelly Brook’s interview.